Goodbye to Love, Hello to Super-Genius

Before I identify as a woman, a writer, a military wife, a feminist, or Jesus-lovin' humanist, I identify as a devoted fan of the power ballad. If you must prioritize your altars of worship, let me put the stereo speakers at the tippy-top of my list.

Today, a dismal dark in the Hudson Valley, I'm doing my routine obsessive listening to The Carpenter's "Goodbye to Love," which is the ultimate power ballad heart attack ambush. Oh, you think a buncha hardasses like Metallica getting all plinky-planky acoustic lovey-dovey with "Nothing Else Matters" is pulse-stopping contrast?

Nein, kinder.

The real "holy sh*t, where did THAT come from?" killer is Karen "Sweetness and Light" Carpenter singing not about how birds suddenly appear...just because...you are near, but rather, how she is saying goodbye to love, that one ever cared if she should live or die. Haha, sucker--you thought that sweet little oboe in the song intro was a lead-in to chirpy chirpy Love Town? No. There are no tomorrows for this heart of hers. Susie Sunshine has left the building, and she's taking your bottle of Darvocet and a bottle of (fat-free!) Patron with her.

But wait! That's not all!

It's the sonic bomb that Richard Carpenter had guitarist Tony Peluso detonate in the middle of the song. Seriously? I would gladly trade off existing in corporeal form if I could BE this guitar solo. Fuzzy, dirty, plangent and perfect, it is one of the first truly shredding guitar solos on any power ballad, anywhere. Joe Perry tore a page from the "Goodbye to Love" book when he mapped out the crying slice of guitar heaven that he put into "Dream On" (also one of the great power ballads...but you knew that or we wouldn't be friends).

What makes it great is that Richard doesn't hesitate to keep the corny, ethereal breathy "Ahhhh-ahhhh" easy listening/dentist's waiting room backup vocal toward the end. Oh, it's so key the way the guitar just comes right in over that!! It's like Slash showed up during your routine teeth cleaning! The doctor will see you now...his name is ::::ROCK::::

I thought I was alone in my "Goodbye to Love" love, but I see it even has its own Wikipedia entry. Rocker, school thyself:

"Goodbye to Love".

Much like Wayne from "Wayne's World," I humbly state: I'm Not Worthy.