OK, Now You're Just F*cking With Me.

Another Emmy show gone by, another sub-par thespian taking home a statuette while Hugh Laurie grins and bears it. This is crap, bordering on conspiracy.

Why is this happening? Is growly bear James Gandolfini really showing that much range with his Tony Soprano? It's not like he flips over from stuttering, palsied Inuit to beef up and show out as our beloved Tony S, family man and benefactor to venal Russian go-go girls. Is this James Spader business memorable in any way, shape, or form? Spader won a place in our hearts as the pre-Web voyeur in "Sex, Lies, and Videotape" back before "http://" was a glimmer in Al Gore's eye, and I'm sure he's a swell cat, but...

I don't get it.

The only upside of tonight's show was the visual of Lisa "North Jersey Homegirl" Edelstein and Hugh sitting side-by-side, in perfect visual harmony. Of course, I'm on Team Cuddy, but I'm also on Team Lisa and feel that a Lisa/Hugh pairing would be even better than Cuddy/House, if we're playing Fantasy Football, Romance Edition (in real life, there would probably be a 29 year-old Creole ballerina edging her out, but this is Fantasy Land here). I mean, Mrs. Laurie is probably ready for some time off for excellent behavior, right? She can take up with some scruffy young Classics professor, and Hugh can start hitting the Ashtanga mat with Lisa. Or sit outside in the car smoking Camels while L.E. flips up into Scorpion pose. Cuz you know the betch can touch her toes to the top of her head while standing on her forearms. She just CAN, as easily as she can work the mercenary curves of a pencil skirt and clackity-clack heels. Of this I am certain. If she can conquer the Willowbook Mall (if she was stuck in N. Jersey as a teen, you KNOW she did...), she can asana herself into an East Village club kid emeritus pretzel.

Maybe next year justice will be served. Award show results continue to confuse me. Color me mystified. New season starts next Tuesday. Critics, take note.