How Wide Is YOUR Stance?

Oh, the Craig's List jokes one could make!

Yet another holier-than-thou Family Values-touting politician has fallen on his own sword (I know. I'll be here all week!). This time, it's sporty Idaho senator, Larry Craig, who is, he will have you know, NOT GAY, yet was arrested for cruising a Minneapolis airport men's room.

The corker here--and there always is one when such a fellow is assiduously NOT GAY--is that he said he wasn't cruising using are-you-game? foot signals under the stall partitions, but rather, he simply has a "wide stance" when he uses the bathroom. Bitch, please, you've already made it perfectly obvious that your balls ain't that big.

I really get having a split between one's identity and one's actions when it comes to sex, and to a point, most of us have at least a little touch of compartmentalization that presents a more vanilla face to the world than we might show if life were less about appearances and middle-of-the-middle assumptions. And he may truly love his wife and desire women more than men (doubt it, but let's advance the Bi Agenda here for a spell, just 'cuz, m'kay?), so he could believe in his heart that, affectionally speaking, he is NOT GAY. But even if that's the case and he's 99.999999% percent straight, most of the time, at least for ten minutes every other Tuesday, then he still has no business working the Family Values/anti-gay angle. Damn, will this crap never ever ever ever ever end?

My stance? Big as my heart--there's room for every consenting adult if he or she can just own who they are, and not slam the goddamn door on the fingers of every "differently sexual" person who is reaching for basic human rights.

The upside to all this? Now that Craig is crying "witch hunt," he and others like him may be less likely to order their own flaming torch marches. Yeah, I said it, Mary: flaming. Dang, Craig--there you were, broadcasting GAY GAY GAY all along.

Since we know there will be another horny hypocrite along presently, who wants to create a Dorothy Pool and guess who's next? Winner gets their admission to the White Party paid.

That's the view from the "I Used to Be Disgusted, Now I Try to Be Amused" corner.

PS: Look, I try to be understanding about various kinks and things, but the whole public lewdness deal? Intellectually, I get it from a oooh-naughty-naughty perspective, but I think it's rude and I'm not at all averse to arrests for it. You have a deep longing to get it on in close proximity to subway tile and a dispenser full of tissue paper seat covers? Let a thousand lavatory flowers bloom, kid, but do it at home. The other guys just want to take a quick whiz before catching their connecting flight to Topeka.

And it's not just a Boy Problem. To the cow who was flashing people from beneath her mini at the county fair a couple years ago? If I see you pull that sh*t, instead of hearing about it FROM MY FAMILY after the fact, I'll report you to the police myself. I'll be dragging you by your ear, so don't get any big ideas about some great pay-off for your indecency. Upskirt THIS.